Why divorce is stressful + what you can do
When you feel scared about your future or sad about your past then every time you focus on this thought, there is a flood of chemicals released into your body which makes you feel more fearful or more sad and this can lead to stress and depression. So it’s really important to find ways forward and look after your body so it can manage the stress better.
During divorce people face lots of change, change in where you live, change in your role or identity (e.g. not a wife or husband any more), adapting to being on your own and perhaps uncertainty about your financial situation. In addition, there is the stress of being involved in a legal process which will have a huge impact on your life. Even lawyers getting divorce find it really stressful!
“As a lawyer who understands the process, and who appointed a divorce lawyer I already knew to act for me, I thought I was prepared. I wasn’t! It’s as if the whole process takes you over and I felt like a helpless victim. It’s one of the most stressful experiences I have ever had. I hate to think what it’s like for people who also have the unfamiliar legal side to contend with”
Why does change cause so much stress?
Any change causes a chemical reaction in the brain of fear, confusion or a frisson of feeling. The basic reaction of flight or fight in response to fear is well known and is due to a rush of adrenalin. If when driving you have ever had a near miss you will have experienced the adrenalin rush!
Learning to drive is a stressful experience for most of us, so much to remember, so much to do and so much to watch out for, that we do experience at least a frisson of fear. Yet after quite a short time driving we no longer experience any fear, it becomes automatic - has formed a habit, pushed to the back of our minds……
Until the first time that we drive abroad - off the ferry, having to drive on the ‘wrong side’ of the road - how do we feel then? Anything from terrified downwards. This is a change and therefore we experience that chemical reaction in the brain again. Most of us experience the results of these chemical changes in the brain even when it is a ‘good’ change for the better, for example when starting a new job, on being promoted, or moving to a lovely new home. But too much change and stress floods the body with chemicals which can make us depressed or ill if we are not careful. ( see Article by Dr Carmen Schurt)
Setting goals helps you feel more in control reduces stress.
We know Divorce, being bereaved and moving house are the big changes in our lives and very stressful. During the divorce process very often everything in your life is changing; you are losing a partner, maybe your children, home, family, status and finance. Faced with all these changes some stress is inevitable.
The good news is that the actual process of expressing what you want instead reduces things going round and round in your head, and the process setting goals for the future creates a new way of thinking in the brain and reduces uncertainty. Goal setting is a fundamental element of coaching.
What you eat and drink affects your stress and health
Click in the blue - Dr Carmen Schurt explains the impact emotional stress has on your body and immne system and what you can do, eat and drink to help your body stay healthy under stress
