Coaching Through Divorce

Why clients struggle with divorce

Clients face big emotional challenges going through divorce. The breakdown of their relationship and the loss of their anticipated future and their role or identify is a loss that will affect some people profoundly and others in at least some way. Change creates an automatic fear response in the brain which means that it’s often difficult for people to think straight.

Clients often take their stress and frustration out on their professional advisers.

Coaching for professionals can help you manage how you respond and also help you set appropriate expectations with clients which makes it easier for you later on in the process.

The dilema of being sympathetic and professional

Many clients get emotional and this puts you in the tricky position of balancing being a sympathetic shoulder to cry on, with being professional and mindful of sticking to your area of expertise.
Coaching can help you to identify the warning signs early on, use aprorpriate language to help your client not dwell on what they can’t control, and also help you to develop your own process for how to introduce additional help for them.

Which symptoms should you look out for in your clients?
The loss of the marriage and uncertainty over their future means that emotions below the surface can really affect your clients thinking.

• They may become indecisive.
• They may become stuck in an unreasonable perspective.
• They may off-load their stress on you.
• They may try to get children to side with them.
• They may sit on papers and defer things.
• They may want to rush things through to get it over with, and not make wise decisions.
• They may be very tearful or show signs of depression.
• They may gain or lose weight or not sleep well.
• They may also escalate a conflict, burn bridges and in a nutshell act like children, which can have a very negative impact on their children and cause long term conflict in lives.
• They may feel vulnerable and overwhelmed and like a fish out of water dealing with paperwork, finances and legal matters.

What should you tell your clients?
The solution-focused coaching Great Coaching Services provide helps your clients to wisely, practically and positively move forward through the divorce process and beyond. The coach doesn’t tell them what to do but uses skills to help clients determine their own best strategies, unique to them so that they take ownership and feel empowered.

• It helps people who feel stuck or confused to untangle their thoughts.
• It’s not like counselling which involves reflecting on the past and can take a long time, it’s about developing strategies to move forward practically and timely.
• It helps people understand what is really important to them so that they can make better decisions and it stops destructive negativity from escalating.
• It’s not about dwelling in the past or feeling sorry for oneself, it’s about taking responsibility now to move forward with impartial support and encouragement from a trained coach.
• It can help develop strategies for a new life, or career, and for developing confidence to try new things and grow as a person.
• It can help clients develop strategies to deal more constructively with their Ex, their children and wider family.
• The coaching can also help people to change their communication patterns to reduce “pushing each other’s buttons” or “Reacting” during and beyond the negotiations.

How will you benefit?

• When your clients are coached through divorce they are less likely to dump their emotional trauma on you.

• They will be more resourceful and responsive to your guidance.

• You won’t have the frustration of their moving goal posts, or delays.

• When clients are able to act sensibly round their children and see the bigger picture of what’s best for them, it reduces your stress as an observer.

How do you inform clients about the services available?

Your clients may not have heard about specialist Coaching Through Divorce services. They also may think it’s counselling or therapy unless you help them understand the differences. Please give them the choice and help the understand the myths about coaching and divorce.

• Ideally, spend a few minutes explaining to them how coaching helps people get resourceful so that they can move forward positively.
• Point them to our website or give them a copy of a case study or one of our leaflets to find out more.
• Alternatively, if you really feel it’s what a client needs and you fear that they won’t take the initiative themselves, you can offer for us to call them, to help them find out more.

Remember we offer an initial screening and fact finding conversation at our expense.
Just call 01202 257364 and let us know who we should call.
IN SOME CASES, other forms of intervention may also be suitable and we can help clients decide what’s best for them.

Feedback and keeping in touch:-
Please call us if you wish to discuss any clients, have any questions, want to learn more, or would like to discuss ways in which we can work together to help your clients. In the meantime, we would like to keep you in the loop of developments and provide you with handouts which may help your clients. Also, we intend to start issuing an occasional newsletter to divorce lawyers and other professionals sharing useful tips, events, case studies and feedback. Please let us know if you want to receive these free occasional guides.

Fiona Sutherland and the team